When asked what I’m looking for in a man, a partner, a lifelong friend
and lover – it’s hard for me to respond. Maybe I don’t know – but probably I
do. Maybe my heart has been broken. Maybe I’m afraid of the truth. Maybe I
don’t believe anymore- is he out there? Is he looking for me as much as I’m
looking for him? Has he given up hope as I have so many times before? Maybe
he’s not out there.
But I want to believe that he is. I need to believe that he is. I HOPE
he is because I’ve got to. I have to hold on to what I know in my heart to be
true. Underneath all those layers, of sarcasm, of anger and sadness. And if I’m
wrong then I’ve been wrong all along. And NOTHING matters.
He needs to be
honest. And he needs to listen. Really listen.
Because I want - no,
I NEED someone who can listen. Really listen. Really hear my truth. And it’s
not easy. It’s tough. And it’s not pretty, or cute or funny. It’s scary. And I
bottle it up. And hide it away. And I put my guard up – no, my ARMY up so it
can’t be seen. So it can’t be heard. Because I’m so STRONG. Because I’m so scared. I’m afraid of what you will
think of me when you finally really hear me, finally see me; honestly,
truthfully, LOUD and clear.
Will you still
listen?
Will you still
be here?
Or will you too, disappear?