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Why am I single? How
could it possibly be? Well for starters I’m nuts…crazy… meshuganeh! But in that
cute somewhat charming neurotic way, you know. But even that isn’t good enough…
some people like “crazy”. So when people, and more specifically when guys ask
me why I’m single or “How could it possibly be?” my first reaction (other than wanting to tear my hair out and
punch them in the throat) is to fake a smile, while inside my eyes are
rolling and my fists are forming. The reason being is, this question, this
query is not a compliment, though more often than not the questioning party
thinks it is, it’s actually an insult. As if there is something wrong with me –
“she’s cute enough to fuck but she’s single so she must be…?”
Well, aside from
being an opinionated, smart, independent, neurotic Jewish woman who also
happens to be an Actress – I live in Los Angeles – where the current epidemic
plaguing the 20s-30s straight men is a severe case of commitment phobia mixed
with the oh-look-something-better-just-arrived-gotta-go-syndrome. Dating ADD if
you will. Add to that, that we are now in an age where dating has gone digital
and where we once merely imagined all the “fish in the sea” we can now see
them, like them, swipe them left or right, we can email, text, booty-text (booty-calling has become passé; calling in
general seems to have gone the way of the dinosaurs). We can Facebook
stalk, Instagram follow, like, tweet, snap, catfish…and all in the palm of our
hands. But with this over abundance of ways to ‘connect’ and ‘meet’ new people
to date-we have lost the ability to actually make an honest, real, and intimate
connection.
In the social media
buffet that is now considered the way to “date” in this city where we have more options than we
could ever imagine, need or want (I, for
one, have dated some people that I probably should NEVER have even met let
alone actually gone out with). We also find ourselves unable to commit to
just one person. To date just one human being because multi-tasking is the way
we exist and operate on a daily basis in our social lives, our jobs and
certainly the way we “interact”.
So, why am I single? How could it possibly
be?! I’ll tell you how – because I have CHOSEN
to be single. Not in the well I’m single and go out on terrible dates in the
hopes of settling for something, ANYTHING just so people think I’m “normal”
type of single. But actually and literally single by choice – I shut down if
you will all my dating apps, reduced going out to an absolute minimum, i.e. not
at all, and put that aspect of my life on the back burner – hell it’s on a
trivet in the other room! Why? Because I don’t want to settle anymore. I
don’t want to go out with someone just so I can say I’m dating… or seeing
someone, or even casually fucking someone. Been there, done all that and you
know what? It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. AND it’s not what I WANT. Hard to
believe, I know. I should want nothing more than to find my prince charming or
at the very least occasionally talk to his cute steward until he decides to
show-the-fuck-up. Well, fuck the fairytale. I’m done buying into the bullshit
that in order to be complete, socially acceptable, happy, and normal I NEED to
be dating or in a relationship or at the very least in a dysfunctional
fuck-buddy situation that is going nowhere. I call bullshit. Bullshit!!
But that scares people (told ya I’m crazy) –
rejecting that mainstream concept of ‘coupling’ – must be something WRONG with
ME. Ha! I got off that bullshit train because it was headed nowhere. And I know
where I’m headed, where I want to go – I want to focus on me and my career, my
family, my friends, my cats, and things that make ME happy. That doesn’t mean
there’s anything wrong with me I’ve simply gotten on a different train.
Maybe I’ll meet
someone along the way who will make me happy, whom I could love completely and
he in turn would love me too. Maybe. And Maybe not. But right now? Right now,
I’m dating ME. And so far it’s going pretty well.
Watch the episode Single by Choice!
Only in LA, S1. E2. - Single By Choice